10 things I hate about money

All the things you can’t buy because you aren’t as rich as the next guy.

1.    The luck of the draw. Some people are born with it, and if you aren’t fortunate enough to be one of them — well, that’s just too bad.

2.    The myths about money. If you think positively, you will attract wealth. If you remove that waste paper basket from your ‘money corner’ at home, you will attract wealth. These myths are ridiculous, and are scoffed at in public, but when you go home I know you’ll surreptitiously whisk your rubbish bin out of sight.

3.   The changing face of money. I used to like it when ‘money’ meant good old fashioned paper. Now with smart money, e-money and virtual money…money’s more elusive than ever.

4.   How making money is not all about hard work. Your parents told you that if you worked like a maniac, you’d eventually be rich. When you look around and see people making tons of money through sheer talent, corruption or just dumb luck, you immediately want to quit your nine-to-five job — if only it were that simple.

5.   What’s even worse than money? “Fake” money. Credit cards, loans and ‘special services’ may sound attractive, but will soon become the bane of your existence.

6.   Everything is measured with it — even love. Try giving your boyfriend/girlfriend a handmade card on Valentine’s Day and you’ll see just how much the thought  counts.

7.   How funny people get about money. You know how some people say you shouldn’t mix family with money, and friends with money? It’s true. The best way to bring out a person’s inner Scrooge is to ask them to invest in your burgeoning moss-growing business.

8.    How money can now actually do what it couldn’t before: turn back time, buy love, set you free. You just need to have enough of it.

9.   All the things you can’t buy because you aren’t as rich as the next guy.

10.   I just don’t have enough of it.

Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, January 16^th, 2011.