I’m a light sleeper; I’m talking about feather in a hurricane light. So I guess I qualify as a bit of an insomniac. Insomnia is a weird thing because there
aren’t a whole lot of distractions in the middle of the night, and so you tend to learn some things that people with normal sleep routines probably don’t know a lot about. These are just a few things I’ve found out about the real world while the rest of you were navigating Dreamland.7 Reruns are only entertaining for an hour or so
I like Hogan’s Heroes as much as the next Nazi hating American, but a few ours of bad German accents and horribly thought out plans and I find myself wondering why the Germans even got into the war in the first place. Same with the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. I love Will Smith and I used to think I could watch “The Carlton Dance” all day, every day, but that shtick can get old after a few hours. I even tried dancing with him figuring that it may burn some energy and make me tired, but I just ended up knocking over drinks and wondering why Uncle Phil had to always be so hard on Will.
I like Hogan’s Heroes as much as the next Nazi hating American, but a few ours of bad German accents and horribly thought out plans and I find myself wondering why the Germans even got into the war in the first place. Same with the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. I love Will Smith and I used to think I could watch “The Carlton Dance” all day, every day, but that shtick can get old after a few hours. I even tried dancing with him figuring that it may burn some energy and make me tired, but I just ended up knocking over drinks and wondering why Uncle Phil had to always be so hard on Will.6 Other people don’t like to be woken up
One thing that most people absolutely despise is being woken up while they are comfortably sleeping. Those snoring bastards will find any reason to yell at you for waking them up. Don’t turn the TV up that loud, stop running the microwave at 3 am, fireworks are only for the 4th of July and the famous “I don’t know where the f–k you got that air horn, but that sh-t is going in the dumpster tomorrow morning!” I can’t help that I’m bored, but now that you’re up, let’s have some margaritas and talk awhile.
One thing that most people absolutely despise is being woken up while they are comfortably sleeping. Those snoring bastards will find any reason to yell at you for waking them up. Don’t turn the TV up that loud, stop running the microwave at 3 am, fireworks are only for the 4th of July and the famous “I don’t know where the f–k you got that air horn, but that sh-t is going in the dumpster tomorrow morning!” I can’t help that I’m bored, but now that you’re up, let’s have some margaritas and talk awhile.5 Girls are going wild all the damn time
Wow. Girls are going wild all the time now. There are like 50 different versions of Girls Gone Wild on the market now and you will see an infomercial for every single one of them between the hours of 2 am and 6 am. I couldn’t believe it myself, so I had to buy a few just to make sure that they weren’t pulling my leg. And you know what, they were in fact going wild. Also going wild, my credit card bill.
Wow. Girls are going wild all the time now. There are like 50 different versions of Girls Gone Wild on the market now and you will see an infomercial for every single one of them between the hours of 2 am and 6 am. I couldn’t believe it myself, so I had to buy a few just to make sure that they weren’t pulling my leg. And you know what, they were in fact going wild. Also going wild, my credit card bill.4 There are lots of people online to that can tell you how to get to sleep
Apparently there are a lot of people out there like me that can’t sleep properly. The Internet is full of experts and insomniacs with lists of ways to ensure you have a good nights sleep. All of them are almost identical. They can all be narrowed down to “Relax, don’t do anything physical before bed and try not to think about anything stressful when lying in bed.” So basically, you need to be asleep to actually go to sleep. It’s just that simple. Thanks a lot “experts.”
Apparently there are a lot of people out there like me that can’t sleep properly. The Internet is full of experts and insomniacs with lists of ways to ensure you have a good nights sleep. All of them are almost identical. They can all be narrowed down to “Relax, don’t do anything physical before bed and try not to think about anything stressful when lying in bed.” So basically, you need to be asleep to actually go to sleep. It’s just that simple. Thanks a lot “experts.”3 How many energy drinks/cups of coffee you can drink an hour before work without your heart exploding
Eleven. The answer is eleven.
Eleven. The answer is eleven.2 When you are driving at 4 am, all there are on the road are truckers and cops
As a night owl, I’ll often do things and go places that other normal folks go and do during the day. And when you are out and about in the dead of night you notice that the only other folks kicking around at that time are trucks hauling stuff and the boys in blue. You have to be careful not to speed in the middle of the night because let’s face it, cops aren’t real busy at that point and anything out of the ordinary is going to grab their attention. Speeding, having a busted taillight, swerving and doing doughnuts in the Krispy Kreme parking lot are all going to get you pulled over. You have to drive smart to avoid sleepily explaining to cops what you are doing out at weird hours.
As a night owl, I’ll often do things and go places that other normal folks go and do during the day. And when you are out and about in the dead of night you notice that the only other folks kicking around at that time are trucks hauling stuff and the boys in blue. You have to be careful not to speed in the middle of the night because let’s face it, cops aren’t real busy at that point and anything out of the ordinary is going to grab their attention. Speeding, having a busted taillight, swerving and doing doughnuts in the Krispy Kreme parking lot are all going to get you pulled over. You have to drive smart to avoid sleepily explaining to cops what you are doing out at weird hours.1 Having a nightcap can go either way
Sure, a little scotch or a hot toddy sounds tempting when you can’t seem to relax enough to go to sleep, but sometimes having a “nightcap” just turns into having a “fortnight” cap. You tell yourself that you’ll just drink enough to put yourself down and sometimes that happens, as you have a drink or two and sleep like a baby. Or sometimes your body doesn’t necessarily feel the same way your brain does and you find yourself quite intoxicated at 5 am and wondering if sleep is even a problem anymore, as you have to be up in a few hours and, well, you’re drunk. One note though: It’s not a good idea to go to the office smelling of booze and rambling incoherently through a presentation like Dudley Moore after a tour of the Smirnoff factory.
Sure, a little scotch or a hot toddy sounds tempting when you can’t seem to relax enough to go to sleep, but sometimes having a “nightcap” just turns into having a “fortnight” cap. You tell yourself that you’ll just drink enough to put yourself down and sometimes that happens, as you have a drink or two and sleep like a baby. Or sometimes your body doesn’t necessarily feel the same way your brain does and you find yourself quite intoxicated at 5 am and wondering if sleep is even a problem anymore, as you have to be up in a few hours and, well, you’re drunk. One note though: It’s not a good idea to go to the office smelling of booze and rambling incoherently through a presentation like Dudley Moore after a tour of the Smirnoff factory.
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