Friday, August 13, 2010

What if The Expendables Were Women?



You can round up a bunch of aging action stars and call it a halfway-decent, end-of-summer movie, and then you can put together ten female heroes who look as good with a firearm as they do in leather. We cast the blockbuster that should
have been.



linda hamilton
United Archives/GmbH/Alamy

Linda Hamilton

Action credentials: Sure, Terminator 2had the liquid-metal CGI, but we still prefer to remember those... arms. Never has a mother in a sweaty tanktop looked at once so intimidating and hot.
The now-expendable Expendable: Sylvester Stallone
kate beckinsale
Photos 12/Alamy

Kate Beckinsale

Action credentials: Looks great in leather, whether as a vampire (Underworld) or vampire hunter (Van Helsing). Our reigning Sexiest Woman Alive has brains, too — she studied literature at Oxford.
The now-expendable Expendable: Jason Statham
zhang ziyi
Photos 12/Alamy

Zhang Ziyi

Action credentials: She may not be a professionally trained martial artist, but she is a professionally trained dancer. And forgetCrouching Tiger — that wire work in Hero did it for us. Also: just an inch shorter than...
The now-expendable Expendable: Jet Li
pamela anderson in barb wire
Photos 12/Alamy

Pamela Anderson

Action credentials: Exceptional slow motion runner. Tattooed.
The now-expendable Expendable: Dolph Lundgren
gina carano mma
Dzeiekan/Retna Ltd./Corbis

Gina Carano

Action credentials: "Played" Crush in NBC's relaunch of American Gladiators. Daughter of Cowboys quarterback. Also: better MMA winning percentage than...
The now-expendable Expendable: Randy Couture
Maria Kanellis
Dzeiekan/Retna Ltd./Corbis

Maria Kanellis

Action credentials: Before she braved Trump and The Celebrity Apprentice, the WWE vixen endured a beer hose-down from Steve Austin after she rightly condemned his movie, The Condemned.
The now-expendable Expendable: Steve Austin
pam grier in jackie brown
Photos 12/Alamy

Pam Grier

Action credentials: Has a black belt in barstools.
The now-expendable Expendable: Terry Crews
grace jones bond villain
Photos 12/Alamy

Grace Jones

Action credentials: Is there another human being on Earth more singularly terrifying and insane than Grace Jones? Anyone?
The now-expendable Expendable: Mickey Rourke
brigitte nielsen
Moviestore collection Ltd./Alamy

Brigitte Nielsen

Action credentials: Technically, a romance with Flavor Flav wouldn't be considered "action," but you watch Strange Love and tell us otherwise.
The now-expendable Expendable: Arnold Schwarzenegger
demi moore in gi jane
United Archives/GmbH/Alamy

Demi Moore

Action credentials: Remember G.I. Jane, when she shaved her head and did one-armed pushups in the rain for about three hours? Yes, please. Thank you.
The now-expendable Expendable: Bruce Willis

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