1. Movie characters don’t wash their hair.

This mainly applies to females. Any time you see a girl in the shower or bath in a movie, she never washes her hair. Does dirty hair not exist in movies?

2. No one has morning breath.

Or at least, it doesn’t seem like they do, since couples, usually the main character and his/her love interest, wake up after a night of wild sex and just go back at it. Normal people would probably get out of bed and brush or something, or at least use mouthwash. Clearly it would ruin the scene if they did this, but still, could we at least try to make intimate scenes real?

3. They never eat breakfast.

And if they do, it’s only a couple bites, if they have time. Everyone is so busy in movies. They are saving the world/finding their soul mates/having a teen angst emergency moment. They don’t have time for the most important meal of they day!

4. They never say goodbye when hanging up the telephone.

I think I would be offended if the person on the other end of the line hung up on me. Is this a time-saving tactic? Would it really extend the length of a movie to have characters say goodbye? It’s a two syllable word, which can even be shortened to one! I think it could be squeezed in.

5. They rarely / never get shot.

Even though hundreds of bullets are being shot directly at them. This is only really applicable if the character is the lead one. Usually the bad guys are trained assassins or something equally awesome, so why can’t they manage to put a bullet into one man? It would ruin the movie, that’s why.

6. They sober up way too fast.

Whether a character is drunk or doing some illegal drugs, they sober up when they need to. I’m sorry but if a real person had been downing shots of whiskey all night and suddenly a bad guy came up to him, he would probably die. He wouldn’t stand up completely sober and shoot said bad guy in all the right places. The buzz doesn’t wear off that quickly, my friends. Believe me, I have tried.

7. Hate turns to love, always.

The two lead characters start out disliking each other and wind up either being best friends or having sex. Sometimes as an added bonus, the characters will have a juicy back story that you will find out about halfway into the movie. The two characters having dated before is a likely scenario, either that or they have been though a great tragedy together and the friendship/relationship just wasn’t strong enough to survive.

8. Everyone is a computer genius.

I have never been able to get on a computer, log in to some CIA type website and be able to find all the information you could ever possibly need about someone, have you? I mean, they type in a name, and the person’s life history comes up. I wouldn’t even want to imagine what the world would be like if this were possible. That being said, I still wish I could do it.

9. They have sex.

This can be a problem for many reasons. In the rom-com genre, this is usually a mistake because it makes the relationship awkward or they realize their true feelings are so strong that they can never do it again. The horror movie genre is where this can be a real problem. If you have sex in a horror movie, you are dead meat. The best time to kill someone is when they are naked and vulnerable, doesn’t everyone know this?

10. They keep their bite to themselves.

Characters in zombie movies never tell the group when they get bitten. Let’s think about this. They know what’s gonna happen. They’ve seen it before. They are going to turn into a zombie and kill everyone, or at least one supporting character.